I
8o Man's Search for Meaning
at his own funeral. His life had seemed to him absolutely
without future. He regarded it as over and done, as if he
had already died. This feeling of lifelessness was intensified
by other causes: in time, it was the limitlessness of the term
of imprisonment which was most acutely felt; in space, the
narrow limits of the prison. Anything outside the barbed
wire became remote—out of reach and, in a way, unreal.
The events and the people outside, all the normal life
there, had a ghostly aspect for the prisoner. The outside
life, that is, as much as he could see of it, appeared to him
almost as it might have to a dead man who looked at it
from another world.
A man who let himself decline because he could not see
any future goal found himself occupied with retrospective
thoughts. In a different connection, we have already spoken
of the tendency there was to look into the past, to help
make the present, with all its horrors, less real. But in rob
bing the present of its reality there lay a certain danger. It
became easy to overlook the opportunities to make some
thing positive of camp life, opportunities which really did
exist. Regarding our "provisional existence" as unreal was
in itself an important factor in causing the prisoners to lose
their hold on life; everything in a way became pointless.
Such people forgot that often it is just such an exception
ally difficult external situation which gives man the oppor
tunity to grow spiritually beyond himself. Instead of taking
the camp's difficulties as a test of their inner strength, they
did not take their life seriously and despised it as something
of no consequence. They preferred to close their eyes and to
live in the past. Life for such people became meaningless.
Naturally only a few people were capable of reaching
great spiritual heights. But a few were given the chance to
attain human greatness even through their apparent worldly
failure and death, an accomplishment which in ordinary
circumstances they would never have achieved. To the
Experiences in a Concentration Camp 81
others of us, the mediocre and the half-hearted, the words
of Bismarck could be applied: "Life is like being at the
dentist. You always think that the worst is still to come, and
yet it is over already." Varying this, we could say that most
men in a concentration camp believed that the real oppor
tunities of life had passed. Yet, in reality, there was an
opportunity and a challenge. One could make a victory of
those experiences, turning life into an inner triumph, or
one could ignore the challenge and simply vegetate, as did
a majority of the prisoners.
Any attempt at fighting the camp's psychopathological
influence on the prisoner by psychotherapeutic or psycho-
hygienic methods had to aim at giving him inner strength
by pointing out to him a future goal to which he could look
forward. Instinctively some of the prisoners attempted to
find one on their own. It is a peculiarity of man that he can
only live by looking to the future— sub specie aeternitatis.
And this is his salvation in the most difficult moments of his
existence, although he sometimes has to force his mind to
the task.
I remember a personal experience. Almost in tears from
pain (I had terrible sores on my feet from wearing torn
shoes), I limped a few kilometers with our long column of
men from the camp to our work site. Very cold, bitter winds
struck us. I kept thinking of the endless little problems of
our miserable life. What would there be to eat tonight? If a
piece of sausage came as extra ration, should I exchange it
for a piece of bread? Should I trade my last cigarette, which
was left from a bonus I received a fortnight ago, for a bowl
of soup? How could I get a piece of wire to replace the
fragment which served as one of my shoelaces? Would I
get to our work site in time to join my usual working party
or would I have to join another, which might have a brutal
82 Man's Search for Meaning
Experiences in a Concentration Camp
foreman? What could I do to get on good
terms with the Capo, who could help me to
obtain work in camp instead of undertaking
this horribly long daily march?
I became disgusted with the state of affairs
which compelled me, daily and hourly, to
think of only such trivial things. I forced my
thoughts to turn to another subject. Suddenly
I saw myself standing on the platform of a
well-lit, warm and pleasant lecture room. In
front of me sat an attentive audience on
comfortable upholstered seats. I was giving a
lecture on the psychology of the
concentration camp! All that oppressed me at
that moment became objective, seen and
described from the remote viewpoint of
science. By this method I succeeded
somehow in rising above the situation,
above the sufferings of the moment, and I
observed them as if they were already of the
past. Both I and my troubles became the
object of an interesting psychoscientific study
undertaken by myself. What does Spinoza say
in his Ethics?—"Affectus, qui passio est,
desinit esse passio simulatque eius claram et
distinctam formamus ideam." Emotion, which
is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as
we form a clear and precise picture of it.
The prisoner who had lost faith in the
future—his future —was doomed. With his
loss of belief in the future, he also lost his
spiritual hold; he let himself decline and
became subject to mental and physical
decay. Usually this happened quite suddenly,
in the form of a crisis, the symptoms of which
were familiar to the experienced camp inmate.
We all feared this moment—not for
ourselves, which would have been pointless,
but for our friends. Usually it began with the
prisoner refusing one morning to get dressed
and wash or to go out on the parade grounds.
No entreaties, no blows, no threats had any
effect. He just lay there, hardly