This is a very good response that would achieve a high IELTS score.
There
is an introduction that introduces the topic and then a
thesis
statement that clearly sets out what the essay is going to discuss – sales
methods and their effectiveness.
Three ideas are then provided in the first body paragraph,
which are fully
explained. One method that is the most effective is chosen, and again this is
clearly explained with support.
The change of topic for the second body paragraph
is clearly flagged up with
a topic sentence:
While some companies may attempt to do all of these, in my view, the
most effective technique is to get a celebrity endorser.
The conclusion then matches the thesis statement
and summarises the two
main tasks and points of the whole essay.
The essay is quite long at 373 words, so you would need to be a very
competent writer to do this. If you are weaker then you should reduce what
you write.
You could just have two ideas for the
sales methods and have less
explanation for the third body paragraph about the most effective one. If you
try to write too much as a weaker writer you will just end up with a lower
score
due to coherency, lexis and grammar as you will not have enough time
to focus on these.