August 8, 2015 Sexual predators are more prevalent among rabbis, pastors and yogis than among Catholic priests But they are not as widely reported by the secular especially the international media

Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another's statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.

Have you obeyed this moral requirement?

I think I know what Father Groeschel was trying to say. He just did not say it well. Keeping with the moral imperative that we must be ready to give a favorable interpretation, to give the benefit of the doubt, and to clarify by asking the person what he meant, we need to reserve judgment until we hear from Father.

Well, Father has responded to the controversy. He issued this statement:

I apologize for my comments. I did not intend to blame the victim. A priest (or anyone else) who abuses a minor is always wrong and is always responsible. My mind and my way of expressing myself are not as clear as they used to be. I have spent my life trying to help others the best that I could. I deeply regret any harm I have caused to anyone.

The case is closed.

Hope, I have done you a great favor by deleting part of your question. Your accusations about Fr. Groeschel were libelous and sinful. I am not a lawyer, but I am a para-legal. What you said, I believe, would be considered libel per se, which means that the statement is automatically considered libelous, and it is up to you to prove otherwise. Father does not have to prove anything. You have to defend your accusations with provable facts. Again, I am not a lawyer, but had I allowed your words to remain, Father Groeschel could have, if he wished, sued you for libel, and I believe, he would have prevailed.

More importantly, your accusations were gravely sinful. As a psychologist you should know better than to jump to the huge conclusion you did based on these few statements that were taken out-of-context and without checking with Father about what he meant by his comments.

However, even if Father Groeschel was some sort of monster, which he is not, that does not give you the excuse of leaving Jesus' Church. If you wish to abandon Christ's only true Church in the fullness of the Faith, then do so. Stop using others as an excuse.

I pray that you will mortify your pride and remain in the Catholic Church. Abandon yourself to God and His Church and be healed. Keep your eyes on Jesus and not on the sins of man. -Bro. Ignatius Mary OLSM

I thank you for having mercy on me and removing the second part of the paragraph. I broke one of my cardinal rules and reacted/responded when I was still angry. I was seeing red all day and should have waited until today to send in my comments/questions.

I am very protective of my clients, out of compassion, but also because no one protected them as children, leading them to feel they were to blame and worthless. About 80% of my clients went to an adult that they trusted and told about the sexual abuse, and either were not believed or were told to keep it quiet. The rest didn't tell because they were too scared, ashamed, humiliated, couldn't trust adults close to them, or took on the responsibility of not wanting to hurt their family. (I have never seen an adult that suffered from childhood sexual abuse, who was believed and protected, in therapy. This says that those children who are believed and protected do not carry most of their pain into adulthood) 99% of rape victims, whether they are children or adults, already struggle with self-blame and humiliation.... but then society, criminal courts, friends and family compound this by victim blaming.

I do not know Father Benedict Groeschel and should have not have made those statements. It was wrong. And I completely agree with you that you should always give someone the benefit of the doubt, particularly when you do not know all of the details. As a human being, it is very difficult not to judge individuals who hurt the innocent. But this correspondence has reminded me that i should pray not only for the victim but also the perpetrator.

I would like to ask a few questions about the schism between the Eastern Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church, but I will use the "Defending the Faith" forum.

Thank you for your authoritative response, patience, and mercy. -Hope

http://oswc.org/stmike/qa/sw/viewanswer.asp?QID=1682

August 31, 2012

We can all find ourselves making bad decisions when we are emotionally involved or emotionally reacting. It is part of the human condition. What is significant is that you realized your mistake and corrected it. That is a mark of both psychological and spiritual maturity.

Let me make it clear so there is no misunderstanding. Father Groeschel has never placed a child in jeopardy. His work with priests was to try to help them to overcome their predilections, which is a good work since most sex offenders will be out of prison someday. He has never advocated anything that would place any child at risk.

I recognize that when we are talking about those most vulnerable, such as children, emotions can be very high, but we cannot allow emotions to cloud the objective facts. The facts are that many molesters were molested themselves. Others have a variety of other psychological problems that needs attending. Technically, not everyone who molests a child is a pedophile, hebephile, or ephebophile, three distinct diagnostic conditions, all of which are grounded in the person's preference for the particular age-group rather than to an adult partner. Some molest a child without a preference for children and thus they do not have any of the paraphilias. These troubled individuals are usually one-time offenders whose offense was environmentally and circumstantially such that lent itself to the person's emotional breakdown. These people need psychiatric care and with that care will be extremely unlikely to offend again.

Many offenders were victims themselves and need our prayers and help. There is an alarming percentage of children who were molested by their babysitters. Most molesting, however, comes from family members and friends of the family. The lowest percentage of molesters come from strangers.

My own daughters were molested by friends of my ex-wife. When my ex-wife abandoned the kids one time, and before I could come get them, the girls were molested in a County Children's Home.

The highest percentage of molestation by professionals is not the clergy or teachers, but with the mental health profession. One study found that psychiatrists, psychologies, and social workers, in that order, but together represented 66% of all molestation by professionals, clergy (all clergy of any stripe) was 11% (the same as social workers).

But, the largest percentage of perpetrators remains family members and family friends.

Another myth is that "once a sex offender, always a sex offender." The propaganda we hear from the media and even law enforcement, who should know better, is that a sex offender will certainly re-offend. That is a bald-face lie. Every study I have seen since 1970, including studies found today on the Department of Justice website, show that once a sex offender is released from prison, he or she is less likely to re-offend than any other ex-con.

Now, not all sex offenders are alike. Some are more likely to re-offend than others, but overall sex offenders have less recidivism than other criminals. Most states now have a multi-tiered system to assess risk. Nebraska's system make the most sense. They have three, or maybe it is five, levels. Level 1 offenders are least like to re-offend and their names are not included in public online sex-offender lists. Level 2 offenders are also not on the public online sex-offender lists, but the police will notify schools and daycare centers of the person's move into the area. Only Level 3 offenders are placed on the online sex-offender lists as being the most likely to re-offend.

While other states have the tiered system, I am not sure any other state restricts inclusion on the public lists to Level 3 offenders. Some states place an offender on the sex offender registry for life (which I believe is unconstitutional), others for about 10 years, which is reasonable.

In any event, we must avoid approaching this in a manner of a Scarlet Letter. Some states have proposed that, such as sex offenders having a special license plate or the requirement to place a large sign on their house. 2000 residency laws are in effect in many states. Law Enforcement almost unanimously says that this approach is not useful and protects no one.

While an emotional response may be in favor of such actions, this is not the way to go. If we were to do that then we need to have a Scarlet Letter law for drug dealers who do far more damage to more children than sex offenders.

Concerning any criminal, the fact is that 98% of all prisoners will be released from prison someday. Only 2% die in prison or are in for life. Thus, since nearly all prisoners will be released and may become our next door neighbor, it behooves us to support measures of prison reform that will facility human dignity that belongs to all human being no matter what they have done, and to provide services to help offenders, sexual or otherwise, to overcome the circumstances and reasons they became offenders.

Scarlet Letter laws and open registry laws even for Level 1 offenders, and given that sex offenders are the least likely to re-offend than any other ex-con, not only makes no sense as such laws protect no one, but actually make it more likely that the person will re-offend because he is outcast and thereby without the support needed to live a good life from now on.

None of this diminishes the horror of the child who is abused, but we must also recognize that it is to society's benefit to understand the dynamics of the offender and to address that.

It is only with a holistic approach that we can hope to stave off the alarming statistics of sex crimes. This also means changing society, since our society is infiltrated with sex, and even more to the point, infiltrated by sex with children. From beauty contests for 4 year olds to the fashions teenagers wear, to the movies and TV where sex is shoved down our throats and is where many of our kids learn about sexual ethics (such as sex is okay on the third date).

This is a systemic problem that touches all of society, personal moral values, psychological health, and spiritual health.

I have worked with several woman who were sexually abused in satanic rituals as early as 4 years old. Many of these girls become multiple personalities, and many become demonized. They are so hurt physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. The degree of their hurt makes it almost impossible for me, as the counselor, to even listen to them. I just want to run out of the room to escape the unimaginable pain to which they suffer. But, I do not do that of course. Some of these women and men do heal, and sometimes their forgiveness of their perpetrators brings the perpetrator to repentance. I am referring to an actual case of two girls whose father was a Satanist. He terribly abused them when they were girls. While many scars are present that will never go away, these girls worked through it all and came, as adults, to forgive their father. These two brave women were privileged to be present when their father, moments before his death, repented and confessed.

A healing is possible, but it must start with forgiveness. Most people have a hard time with forgiveness because they really do not know what forgiveness entails. We have a brochure we hand out to our clients: Dealing with Bitterness and Unforgiveness that has helped thousands.

I am sure I will get hate mail from this post. But, emotional hysteria and hatred will not help the children, and in fact it further hurts them in the long run. It is only with compassion to all parties, the victims and the abusers, and coming to our Lord God, that we can begin to heal as a society and thereby, perhaps, eventually find fewer sex offenses. At least that can be our prayer. -Bro. Ignatius Mary OLSM
You have cited before a study from the Wisconsin Psychological Association finding 66% of molestation cases rooted in psychiatry, psychology, and social work. I have been debating this issue and was asked to find a link to the study itself. Would you happen to know where I can find the study? -Ryan

http://oswc.org/stmike/qa/fs/viewanswer.asp?QID=2225

September 10, 2012

Sorry, I saw that information once a long time ago. I do not think it is referenced on the Internet anymore.

But this document might help: Child Maltreatment Report 2006. -Bro. Ignatius Mary OLSM

I am a cradle Catholic but not in full communion with the church because my spouse was previously married. We married 10 years ago outside the church and have a beautiful family. He agreed for me to raise the kids Catholic so the children are all practicing Catholics.

I miss dearly the sacraments. My spouse has dragged his feet through the years about getting an annulment from his first marriage due to his fears and lack of respect for my wishes and lack of respect for the church after the sex abuse scandal. He's not Catholic by the way but is Christian. Please pray for me and my family.

Unfortunately I have dealt with impurity my entire life. I've had impure thoughts, and as a child I experimented from age five-ten with other girls and boys my age. There was a lack or supervision during gatherings anytime my peers (friends, family, and neighbors) would get together and we would touch and kiss while the grownups were in other parts of the house.

Fortunately, by the grace of God the physical acts with others ended when I was 10 after my mom caught family members my age committing these acts, but for me the physical acts with others transferred to masturbation and impure thoughts which have plagued me through the years. To make a long story short as I apologize for the long winded details, I have been turning to pornography on my cell phone and cable TV three times a month for about a year. This is the worse ever.

Every time I try to stop or think it's behind me I fall into temptation again and commit the same sin. I pray to God that one day soon I will be freed from this sin and that my marriage is blessed in the church.

Without the sacraments how will I beat this?

I hate this sin. Please pray for me that I am opened to your guidance. I feel like I'm trapped in complete bondage to pornography and impurity. When I'm in this state often I feel like I'm on autopilot. Where can I go to get help? What can I do? Thank you and God bless. And please remember my family in your prayers. –Kim

http://www.saint-mike.net/qa/sw/viewanswer.asp?QID=1784 February 14, 2013
Your story is remarkably similar to my own. By the time I was 12, I was addicted to pornography and masturbation. It took about 38 years to overcome the addiction. Of course, as it is with any former addict, there will always be a struggle, but I thank God the addiction is healed.

Our apostolate runs the very first online support group for Catholics with sexual addictions. It is called the Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addiction Recovery. We have had 1000s of people come and go over the years since 1998. We have around 450 people right now in the group.

I would suggest that you join our group. There are women and men with similar problems who can share their experiences in struggling with these compulsion. There is also a special section for women only, and a section we call the Accountability Logs, where you may, if you wish, log your progress, and other people can comment to help you.

We have developed a "20 Steps to a Pure Heart and Mind", which if followed diligently can promise freedom from the compulsions. These twenty-steps and a few other resources are available to the public. The Discussion Group itself is anonymous and open only to members. The group is on a secure server for added protection and those who join do not use their real names.

I invite you to join CSGSAR.

As to the necessity of the Sacraments, I am afraid that dealing with your compulsion without the Sacraments will be hard, not impossible, but much harder.

I would appeal to your husband, if he loves you, will consider your feelings and needs. He does not have to become Catholic, but he does need an annulment and then you marriage to be regularized in the Church. He should do this for you, out of love, regardless of what he thinks of the Church.

As for the Church, the sex scandal involved less than 2% of priests from cases mostly in the period of the 1950s to the 1980s. The incidents of new cases has gone dramatically down. Other denominations and organizations, such as public schools, have a far greater rate of sex abuse. Christianity Today, a prestigious Evangelical Protestant magazine, reported some years ago that in a survey 30% of Protestant pastors admitted to sexual impropriety with their parishioners.

Nevertheless, this involves not the Church, but priests and bishops within the Church, teachers who work at schools, other clergy in nearly all denominations. 

It is not the fault of the Catholic Church, Protestant Churches, or schools that some of their members sin and commit crimes. None of these institutions approve of these sex crimes.

To blame the Church for the sins of a very few of its members, is the same thing as blaming and condemning your husband's family because some family member committed a crime. It is not his family's fault that one of its members committed a crime. It is not the fault of the Church for the sins of its members, not even of the priests and bishops. We each must be responsible for our own sins and not blame institutions for our sins.

But, this is not about convincing your husband about all this. This is about his loving you enough to proceed with an annulment because he loves you and wants to see that your needs are met.

To put it bluntly, I am sorry, but for him to refuse this is not an act of love, but a selfish, prideful, and petty position on his part.

This is not a big deal. The papers are filled out, and submitted, and that is it. One just waits about a year to hear back. If the annulment is granted, then he must follow up on an act of love, and agree and participate in the regularizing of your marriage.

At that time, you may go to Confession and begin again a Sacramental life, which will not only help with your compulsions, but will strengthen you spiritually and psychologically as it will bring you closer to God.

We will be in prayer for you and your compulsions, that you may be healed. We will also pray for your husband to do the loving thing and do what is necessary for you to return to the Sacraments. -Bro. Ignatius Mary OLSM

A friend of mine was criticising the church for our grand cathedrals, churches, wealth etc. and quoted "Jesus said to give all your possession away and follow me". How would you answer him? -Fred

http://oswc.org/stmike/qa/df/viewanswer.asp?QID=197

June 9, 2013

The Church is not wealthy. The annual budget of the Vatican (around $350 million) is about 17 times less than the budget for the State of Iowa (6.2 billion) and is often in the red. Dioceses are mostly strapped for money. Parishes are closing down because of lack of money. Contrary to popular opinion, the Vatican does not fund dioceses, and the dioceses do not fund its parishes. Each entity must pay for itself. That is also true for religious orders.

The first question I would ask your friend is, "When are you going to give away all your possessions and follow Christ." Without exception the people who make this stupid charge against the Church are ignorant of the facts and would never give up their goodies for anybody. Many of these people are just anti-Catholic bigots (even if there are Catholics) looking for a bugaboo.

If the Vatican were to divest itself of all its artwork and other valuables it would feed the world's poor for about a month at most. But, then the world would be deprived of the beauty contained in its museums. Those collections would end up in private hands or scattered throughout the world in various museums. This means that most people will be deprived of seeing God's beauty as they may be able to go to Rome, but not around the world.

This is the whole point of museums — to centralize the collections of art, history, science, etc. so that people can see and experience the artifacts. This is also the point of libraries. Does you friend suggest that all museums and libraries sell off their artifacts and books and give the money to the poor? If not, why is he picking on Vatican museums and libraries? Could it be bigotry?

The economy for Christians in the New Testament is not exclusive to "give away all your possessions." Some Christians also came together in groups to pool their resources together, and other Christians lived independent lives but tithed to contribute to the needs of the Church. Jesus did not demand that everyone give up all their possessions and live itinerant lifestyle surviving on alms (donations).

As for other aspects such as cathedrals and the like, those are built in honor of God. We are to present our best to God. If we are to build a grand White House for the President, are we to build a shack for our God?

Abel gave of his first-fruits, the best of his labor and accept for himself what was left. Cain kept the best for himself and offered God the leftovers. When God honored Abel and not Cain, he decided to kill his brother. Your friend, and all those people who spew this idea, remind me of Cain. In addition, God Himself ordered that the Ark of the Covenant be constructed out of the most expensive wood covered with gold. God gave similar expensive instructions to build the Temple. Jesus allowed Mary to anoint him with oil that cost a full year's wages. It seems that God has a different opinion than your friend.

It is God, not man, who identifies Himself as King, the King of Kings. If we are to adorn our earthly kings (Presidents) with find houses, castles, monuments, art, and the like, how much more ought we to offer to God those first-fruits of man can creativity and labor.

There is not a single person going hungry or naked because of this. The Catholic Church is the NUMBER ONE charity in the world, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, sheltering the homeless. No institution on the planet does more than the Catholic Church.

Does your friend even donate $5 to any worthy cause? Why does he not sell his car, TV, cell phone, air conditioner, fine clothes, a full refrigerator, and his house? He can live in a shack with old and tattered clothes, walk everywhere he goes, and live off alms. That is what the Apostles did. I bet your friend would be horrified to think about living off nothing but donations. I have actually done that—divested myself of all assets and lived off alms, to follow Christ as a celibate brother-hermit. I didn't have much, I was homeless at times, I had little food sometimes. I lived on whatever donations came in, but I had many blessings.

Unless he is willing to put himself in the same position he wants for the Church, he is just an ignorant bigot blathering about things for which he hasn't a clue.

The Church has a solemn obligation to promote, build, collect, and to protect beauty (which is directly related to the divine) as a trust for the people. That beauty lifts up the human soul to God. The world would be sorely impoverished if the Church did not do this.

The Church has the solemn obligation to give back to God the best that man can create. It is a love offering to God. -Bro. Ignatius Mary OLSM