Times of stress or great change are when you need your friends and the other
parts of your support system the most. This could be when you move house or
job, break up a relationship or have a baby etc.
Friendship is about being accepted, loved or needed for who you are, not
what you do. It’s being wanted just for being you. Your friends are probably
the most important members of your network. With them there is give and
take – you probably a play key role in each other’s networks. Friends can give
you practical advice. For example, they lend you things, give you a hand and
give you personal assurance.
Friends can give you emotional support. They are people you can relax and be
yourself with. You don’t have to pretend. They can challenge you to see
things more constructively when you’re feeling sorry for yourself and question
you when you’re being unrealistic or harming yourself.
Social support protects your physical and mental well being.
Social support can prevent crises: you can get help before things reach this
•
point.
Support has been shown to be linked with a lower risk of both physical
•
and psychological complaints and faster recovery from a range of physical
illnesses.
A research study in London on depression among women with young
•
children found that just one person with whom the mother felt intimate in
this way helped protect her against serious depression.
You are part of other people’s
support systems. Social support is
often mutual however support
systems don’t just happen by
accident. They can benefit from
reviewing, planning and nurturing!
You may be heading for trouble if
time seems to be flying by so fast and
you feel in such a rush that you are
too busy to keep in touch with your
friends. One of the great benefits of
managing your time effectively is
having time for friends.
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Improving your social network
Taking care of current relationships
In a busy life it can be hard to find time for friends. One way to manage
•
this is to socialise and get something else done at the same time. Exercise
together, carpool, form a reading group.
It can be easy to forget about friends when you start a new romantic
•
relationship or go through a stressful period. Although you may want to
scale back social commitments occasionally, maintain reasonably regular
contact with your friends.
Strive for regular contact with the people who mean the most to you.
•
Some people set up regular meetings, like a weekly squash game or a
monthly lunch. Planning events is harder to do when feeling stressed so
this can be helped by having social commitments already planned in your
diary.
Deepening current relationships
Of the people you already know who would you like to know better?
•
What things do you have in common that might help to deepen the
relationship?
If deepening relationships are important to you, give those relationships
•
higher priority than you do daily tasks like washing up, or solitary activities
like reading.
When talking about topics like movies, work, or local events, get a bit
•
more personal about yourself. Briefly share your own feelings, opinions, or
experiences. Then give the other person a chance to open up in turn.
Reviving old friendships
Do you have any friendships that have lapsed? Perhaps you could bring
•
those people back into your social circle, after all, you already know that
you are compatible with your old friends.
Perhaps your friendship has slipped because one of you has moved away.
•
Letters, phone calls, video-calling, texting and e-mails can be rewarding
ways of interacting with people across a longer distance.
Reconnecting with old friends can raise a lot of doubts about yourself. Do
•
they like you? Did they ever like you? Will you be imposing on them?
These doubts are often misplaced. The only way you will really know the
answer is by contacting them again.
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Starting new friendships
Your goal should be to talk with a new person, not to find a soul-mate.
•
Most of the people you meet will not become close friends, so avoid
hoping for too much.
Don’t always wait for others to introduce themselves or break the ice.
•
Mingle at parties or events. Have a few things in mind that you could talk
about.
You don’t have to hide your true nature or be unusually clever or
•
charming. Remind yourself that people respond better to warmth and
genuineness than to attempts to impress.
People who ask about the other person are often felt to be the best
•
conversationalists. It’s also much easier to ask questions than to carry out
the conversation on your own.
Once you have spoken to someone new, dwell on the fact that you have
•
accomplished something that is difficult for most people. Pat yourself on
the back.
Taking care of yourself
The better you feel about yourself, the more you want to take care of your
health. Being fit and healthy makes you feel good so that you see yourself and
talk to yourself more positively. This improves your self-image.
Handling stress well makes it easier for you to take care of your health: taking
care of your health makes it easier to handle stress well.
Accumulated tension can lead to stress related illness. Unwanted side effects
of any unhelpful coping strategies can damage your health. Such unhelpful
strategies include smoking, alcohol and caffeine.
If you are fit you can handle stress better. A healthy diet gives you energy and
maintains your body’s immune (defence) system so that it can repair any
damage from stress. Exercise can lift your mood, help get rid of tension and
improve your physical stamina. Getting enough sleep ensures that you are
mentally alert and your body is well rested so that you are ready to handle
what the new day brings.
If you have a car, which do you care for most – your car or yourself?
With any machine, such as a car, careful use and regular maintenance helps it to run well,
safely and efficiently, avoiding unnecessary breakdowns. This way the machine will do the
job for which it was designed and might even be a source of pleasure. We can think of
taking care of our health in a similar way to taking care of a car. Regular maintenance is
much better than waiting for a breakdown before giving it attention.
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