Living with the Lama (1964)

CHAPTER EIGHT

The door opened. The Guv and Buttercup entered. From the manner in which they were walking I knew they were carrying something heavy or bulky. Miss Ku rushed to my side. “Phew! What a pong!” she exclaimed. I wrinkled my nose, there WAS an acrid smell around, a smell like wet rabbit, bad drains, and old tomcat. “Well, you cats,” said the Guv, “come and say hello to the monkey.” He put something on the ground, and at the strangeness of my impressions I felt a thrill run along my spine and my tail began to fluff. “Careful Feef!” exhorted Miss Ku. “We have a rum looking fellow here! He is in a great big parrot cage. Oh Golly!” she exclaimed in dismay, “He has sprung a leak!”

“Do you think we can get that chain off him?” asked Buttercup, “I'm SURE he would be all right without it.” “Yes,” said the Guv, “let us take him out of the cage first.” He moved to the cage and I heard the noise as of a small door being opened. Suddenly, appallingly, pandemonium broke out. A noise which was a cross between ships sirens which I had heard at New York Harbour and the fog horn at the Bailey Lighthouse, Dublin. Miss Ku backed off in consternation. “GEE!” she exclaimed, “I wish I could make a commotion like that and get away with it. Move back, Feef, he has sprung another leak.” I backed several feet, not turning my back on the creature, then leaned over to Miss Ku and asked, “Is the thing being killed?” “Killed? Good Grief, no! The creature is neurotic, it started all that racket before it was even touched. The Guv is taking off a whacking great chain so the thing will be more comfortable.”

“Put some newspapers on the floor,” said the Guv,” “let us have some use from the Press!” I heard the rustle of papers and then the creature began to scream, whistle and hoot again. “Miss Ku,” I asked, “How do we address the thing?” “I'm going to call it Monkey rouse!” replied Miss Ku. “My Oh! My, Oh! My!” she added, “Buttercup has REALLY gone off her rocker now!” “Look Sheelagh,” said the Guv, “If we hang the cage up here, between the two rooms, he will be able to see more, what do you think?” “Well, yes,” she replied, “but I want him to be out of the cage.” “Seems to me he needs attention,” said the Guv, “Let us get a Vet here to look at him.” “Feef!” whispered Miss Ku, “BEAT IT! A Vet is coming, he might get at our ears.” To be on the safe side, we retreated to the shelter of the underside of the Guv's bed.

Ma came back from the telephone. “The Vet will be here tomorrow,” she said, “he did not want to come, but as I told him, we could hardly bring a monkey to him. He will be here at about eleven in the morning.” “Okay, Feef,” said Miss Ku, “Saved by the gong, we can get out again.” “Miss Ku,” I said, “what does this monkey look like?” “Look like? Oh! Like nothing on Earth! Ugly critter indeed. Last time I saw anything so awful was when Buttercup had a baby last. That was in England, you know. The thing was a Tom and he had a face like this monkey, or the monkey has a face like that little Tom. Wrinkled, wizened, helpless. Makes strange meaningless sounds and is always leaking.” Miss Ku paused reminiscently, “Ah! Those were strange days,” she said, “Buttercup used to have a husband, then one day she said ‘YEOW! I'm going to have a baby!’ and she did, there and then. Now she's got herself a monkey! Tsk! Tsk!”

“Hate, hate!” said Monkeyrouse, “Hate, hate, hate all. Shop life bad. Dint wanta go. Eddie sell me short. Hate!” “Miss Ku,” I said, in some consternation, “Do you think we should have a word with Monkeyrouse? We CANNOT have all that hate here, this is a GOOD household.” “Aw! De guy is nuts!” replied Miss Ku, who sometimes relapsed into Canadian or American. “Nuts? Nuts?” said Monkeyrouse, “Catsisnuts! I good American, hate all others. Crazy cats keep away.”

The Guv came over and picked me up in his arms. “Feef,” he said, “I will hold you close to the cage and you tell the monkey he is being foolish. He cannot reach out and touch you, Feef.” “Hate all! Hate all!” screeched Monkeyrouse, “Git outa here! Git outa here!” I felt intense sorrow that any creature would be so foolish, so misguided and so spiritually blind. “Monkeyrouse!” I said, “Listen to me, we want to make you happy, we want you to come out of that cage and play with us, we will look after you.” “Crazy Old Woman Cat! Crazy Old Woman Cat!” screeched Monkeyrouse, “Git outa here.” The Guv rubbed my chin and chest. “Never mind, Feef,” he said, “perhaps he will come to his senses if we let him go a bit.” “Okay, Guv,” I replied, “Miss Ku and I will look after him and will tell you if we get through to him. I think he has been in a shop too long. He is neurotic. Still, time will tell.” “Hey, Guv.” called Miss Ku, “let me have a word with Buttercup. If she put him on the floor, out of his cage, he may feel better.”

The cage was suspended in the archway between two rooms. The Guv tried to lift Monkeyrouse out while Buttercup held the cage steady. The air was rent, no, SHREDDED, by the screams of Monkeyrouse who clung to the cage and shrieked and shrieked and shrieked. “Gor!” said Miss Ku, “this sure is a neurotic monkey.” “Hate! HATE!” screamed Monkeyrouse. At last he was out and sitting upon the floor. I heard a trickling noise and started to move forward to investigate: “Mind!” said Miss Ku, “If you come forward you will have to jump the Yellow Sea. And if you don't look out,” she roared, “you will be caught by the advancing waves.”

“Rab!” “Yes?” replied Ma. “How about wrapping up the cats and taking them down to the edge of the water? Poor old Ku is killing herself to look out.” Miss Ku and I have special jackets for cold weather, they are knitted of thick wool and have armholes and they keep us really warm. Now, with these on, and each of us wrapped in an even warmer rug, we were ready to be carried out. The Guv carried Miss Ku, because he and Miss Ku were more adventurous. Ma carried me. We opened the door at the other side of the sun porch and stepped down to the snow covered grass. By the time which we were walking I estimated that the back garden was about three houses long. At the end there was a broad stone wall beyond which was the frozen lake. “Be careful,” said the Guv to Ma and me, “It is very slippery here.” “Ohhh!” screamed Miss Ku, “Isn't the lake BIG! Oh, Feef,” she exclaimed, turning to me, “It is like a sea, as big as the sea at Howth. And it is frozen. Now let me see, what can I tell you about it? Oh yes, I know, before me is the lake. To my left there is an island and on the tip of it there is a tower where men watch so that no one can steal the ice. They should buy refrigerators, you see, and make business,” she added. “Right in front, in the distance I can see America and to the right the lake swells out becoming bigger and bigger.” “How are you doing, Feef?” asked the Guv, “not feeling cold?” I told him that I was doing fine and enjoying the change.

“Ku,” said the Guv, “are you a brave Big Girl Cat?” “Me? Of course I am!” replied Miss Ku. “All right, hold on tightly,” said the Guv, “you and I will go down on to the ice then you can tell Feef all about it.” Miss Ku squealed with delight. I heard the sound of climbing footsteps on frozen wood and Miss Ku called from the distance, “Hey, Feef, I'm being kept on ice. My! It is thick. I could walk to America, Feef!”

We were glad to get indoors, though, where it was warm, and where Buttercup was nursing Monkeyrouse—which showed quite a lot of faith. As we entered, she stood up quickly, and put the monkey on the floor. “Oh! BOTHER!” she said, “all over my clean dress.” Miss Ku turned to me, “Tsk! Tsk!” she muttered, “remind ME never to have a ***** monkey, Feef!”

The storm raged all night. “Worst for years!” said the Wise Ones who brought the bread and the milk. “More coming,” they said. We knew, too, for we also listened to the radio reports. Water pipes in the basement were frozen solid. “A pity Monkeyrouse's water pipes don't freeze,” said Miss Ku, gloomily. The Vet of Monkeys had been, and to our great delight, had gone. “No cure,” he said, “Try massaging his legs, MIGHT help, but I doubt it, been left too long.” With a quick shake of his head he had gone. We came from under the Guv's bed.

The roofing of the next house was banging. Somewhere a can was rolling along the snow covered road under the influence of the wind. Monkeyrouse was sitting in the middle of the floor. We were sitting on a sofa. “WHOUF!” said the wind, taking a mighty breath. “BAM? RRRIPPP!” said our double window as it blew into the room, bringing the storm with it. Buttercup raced into the room, scooped up Monkeyrouse and fled to a distant bedroom with him. Miss Ku and I hurried underneath the Guv's bed to await developments. The Guv grabbed tools, nails and materials and hurried out into the storm, anxious to do something before the roof blew off or the walls blew in. Down the stairs clattered Buttercup, clad in raincoat and anything that would keep out wind and snow. “Creepin' Caterpillars!” muttered Miss Ku, “we poor cat people will be blown across the ice to America if they don't hurry up.” The house was shaking to the fury of the gale. The Guv and Buttercup wrestled with sheets of plastic and lumps of wood. Wrestled, and nearly got blown away when the wind got under the plastic sheet. Ma tussled mightily to hold the curtains together so that the snow would not fill the room. Upstairs Monkeyrouse was shrieking like a mad thing. Around the house the wind was doing the same. At last the Guv and Buttercup came in, having patched up the broken window. “Get on to the Landlord,” said the Guv, “tell him we have made a temporary repair, but if he does not get it done properly the whole roof will go!” “The Guv is looking dreadful,” said Miss Ku, “it is his heart, you know.”

The winter seemed endless. Miss Ku and I thought Canada was somewhere near the North Pole. Day after day was the same, dull weather, falling snow and freezing temperatures. Miss Ku did a lot of motoring, attending to the shopping and telling the Guv where to drive. She would call to following drivers, admonishing them not to ‘tail-gate’ and reprimanding them for their bad driving habits. One day the Guv and Buttercup asked her to go to Detroit with them. Off they went, leaving Ma and me to do the housework. Monkeyrouse was in his cage. When they returned Miss Ku walked in with a jaunty air, her tail straight up. “You may sit beside me, Feef,” she said, graciously, “and I will tell you about Detroit. You need to have your mind broadened, anyhow.” “Yes, Miss Ku,” I replied, flattered that she should take so much trouble to tell me. I moved over to where she was impatiently tapping the ground with her tail, and sat down. She settled herself comfortably, and idly combed her vibrissal as she talked.

“Well, it is like this,” she commenced, “we left this dump and drove along to where old Hiram makes his whiskey. That's near the place the Guv went to have his lungs tested. We turned left and went over the railroad tracks and then right into Wyandotte. We drove on until I thought we had gone far enough to arrive back in Ireland, then the Guv turned right and left again. Some guy in a uniform waved us on and we managed to get beneath the ground. I was not at all frightened, mind you, but we careered along a dimly-lit tunnel. The Guv told me that we were going under the Detroit River. I could well believe it, that is what it felt like, that is why I had chills up and down my spine. We drove on and up and turned where a sign said ‘Slippery when wet’ and then we paid some money. A few feet further on a man stuck his ugly head in the window and said “Whereyabawnfolks?” The Guv told him, and Buttercup—as usual—said her piece, and the man said “O-kay” and we drove off.

“It must have been very wonderful, Miss Ku,” I said, “I, would dearly love to be able to see such wonders.” “Phooey!” said Miss Ku, “you ain't seen nuthin' yet. Get a load of this. We drove out into a big street with buildings so high that I expected to see angels sitting on their tops—on the tops of the buildings, of course, the angels would be sitting on THEIR bottoms. Cars were racing along as if the drivers had gone mad, but of course they were Americans. We drove on a bit and then I saw the water and two white ships moored with their winter overcoats on so as to keep the snow out. The Guv said that the canvas coverings would be taken off and the ships would take a lot of Americans somewhere and back. For that they would pay money.” I nodded, knowing something about such things, because I had been on a ship at Marseilles, far away on the shores of the warm Mediterranean. I smiled as I thought that now I was sitting looking after a mad monkey in frozen Canada. “Don't keep interrupting Feef,” said Miss Ku. “But I did not say a word, Miss Ku!” I replied. “No, but you were thinking of other things; I want your undivided attention if I am to continue.” “Yes, Miss Ku, I am all attention,” I replied. She sighed and continued, “We looked in some whacking great shops. Buttercup had a yen for shoes. While she was looking down at shoes I lay upon my back so that I could look up at a bigger than big building. The Guv told me that that particular building was called ‘Pin-up Scott’ or something, but I did not find out why he was going to be pinned up. Well, at long last Buttercup decided she had seen enough of shoes, so they could give a little attention to Poor Old Ku once again. We drove along a terrible road, so rough that I thought my teeth would drop out and the Guv said we were ‘in Porter.’ First I thought it was the porter one drinks (not me, of course) and then I thought it was a man who carried things. Eventually I saw it was Porter Street. We turned left and hit such a bump in the road that I thought the wheels had dropped off. The Guv handed some money to another guy in uniform and we went past a row of little huts where they controlled traffic. As I looked up I saw a structure like a giant Meccano thing and on it was labeled ‘Ambassador Bridge’. We drove on and—OW!—the view! Coming into Detroit we had gone under the river, with the ships' bottoms above us. Now, going back to Canada we were so high that an American would say we were intoxicated.

“We stopped on the Bridge and looked out. Detroit spread before us like one of the models which I had seen the Guv make. Train ferries were carrying railroad cars across the water. A speedboat came racing along, and the great lake ships looked like toys in a bathtub. Wind struck the Bridge and it shook a little. So did I. ‘Let's get outa here, Guv!’ I said, and he said all right, so we drove on to the end of the Bridge. ‘WhafFewgotfolks?’ asked a man in uniform, giving me a scary look. ‘Nothing,’ said the Guv. So we drove on some more, all the way through Windsor and here we are!”

“My!” I breathed, “you HAVE had an adventure!” But it was as nothing to the adventure she was going to have in a few days' time.

The Guv is very particular about cars. Things have to be just right, and if a car is not as the Guv thinks it should be, it gets attention immediately. About three, or was it four? days after Miss Ku went on her trip to Detroit, the Guv came in and said, “I'm not satisfied with the car steering. There seems to be a tight bearing.” Ma said, “Take it up the road to that Service Station, it will be quicker than going all the way to Windsor.” The Guv went off. Soon after I thought I heard the sound of a Police siren, but passed over the vague idea. Half an hour or so later, a car drew up, a door slammed, and the Guv came into the house as the car drove off. “Done already?” asked Ma. “No!” said the Guv, “I came back in a taxi. Our car will not be ready until this afternoon, it needs new steering ends, but it will be all right when those are replaced.” “What's happened?” asked Ma, who knows the Guv's expressions well. “I was doing about twenty-five miles an hour up the road,” replied the Guv, “when a Police siren went off just behind me. A Police car shot ahead and pulled up directly in front of me. I stopped, of course, and a Policeman got out of his car and came lumbering towards me. I wondered what I had done wrong—I had been driving five miles under the limit. ‘You Lobsang Rampa?’ the Policeman asked. ‘Yes,’ I replied, ‘I read one of your books’ said the man. “Anyhow,” said the Guv, “He only wanted to talk and he told me that Press Reporters were still trying to trace us.” “Pity they haven't got something better to do,” said Ma. “We don't want anything to do with the Press, they have told lies enough about us.”

“What time is it?” asked the Guv. “Three thirty,” replied Ma. “I think I will go and see if the car is ready. If it is I will come back and collect you and Miss Ku and we will go out and try it.” Ma said, “Shall I telephone them? If they will deliver the car—if it is ready—you can drive the mechanic back to the garage and then come for us. I'll phone now,” said Ma, hurrying off to the foot of the stairs where we kept the telephone. Miss Ku said, “Oh! Goody; I'm going out, Feef, is there anything you want?” “No thank you, Miss Ku,” I replied, “I hope you will have a pleasant trip.” Ma came hurrying back; “The mechanic is on his way now,” she said. “By the time you get on your coat he should be here.” The Guv did not wear a thick overcoat, like other people, he just wore something light in order to keep the snow off. It often made me smile when the Guv was out in just trousers and jacket while everyone else was SWADDLED with everything they could cram on!

“The car is at the door,” called Buttercup from upstairs where she was entertaining Monkeyrouse. “Thank you!” replied the Guv as he went out to where the mechanic was waiting in the big green Monarch car. “Come on, Miss Ku”, said Ma, “we have to be ready, he will not be more than a few minutes.” Miss Ku tripped daintily along so that Ma could help her with her coat, the blue woolen one with the red and white edging. The car was heated, but the path to the car was not. “I'll think of you, Stick-in-the-mud!” said Miss Ku to me, “while I am bowling along the highway you will be listening to the shrieks of Monkeyrouse.” “He's come,” said Ma. “Goodbye Miss Ku,” I called, “look after yourself.” The doors shut, the car drove off, and I sat down to wait. It was terrible to be alone; I depended utterly upon the Guv and Miss Ku, they were my eyes, and often my ears. As one gets older, particularly after a very hard life, one's hearing becomes less acute. Miss Ku was young, and always had had the best food. She was vital, healthy, and alert and with a brilliant intellect. I—well, I was just an old woman cat who had had too many kittens, too many hardships.

“They are a long time, Feef!” said Buttercup, coming down the stairs after settling Monkeyrouse. “They are indeed!” I replied before I remembered that she did not understand the Cat language. She went to the window and looked out, then busied herself with food. As far as I remember now, it was something to do with fruit and vegetables, for Buttercup was VERY fond of fruit. Personally I disliked fruit intensely, except for coarse grass. Miss Ku was fond of a grape now and then, the white ones, she liked to have them skinned and then she would sit and suck them. Curiously enough, she (Miss Ku) also liked roast chestnuts. I once knew a cat, in France, who ate prunes and dates!

Buttercup switched on the lights, “It is getting late, Feef, I wonder what is keeping them?” she said. Outside, the traffic was roaring along the road as people from Windsor returned home after their day in the shop or office or factory. Other cars raced in the opposite direction as people on pleasure bent (they would be ‘broke’ after!) went in search of amusement across the River. Cars—cars—cars everywhere, but not the one I wanted to see.

Long after the last homing bird had shaken the snow from her night-perch and tucked her head beneath her wing in sleep, there came at last the slam of a car door. In came the Guv, and Ma, and Miss Ku. “What happened?” asked Buttercup. “What happened?” I echoed. Miss Ku rushed to me breathlessly, “Come under the bed, Feef, I must tell you!” Together we turned and went into the Guv's bedroom and under the bed where we had our conferences. Miss Ku settled herself and folded her arms. From the room outside came a murmur of voices. “Well, Feef, it was like this,” said Miss Ku. “We got in the car and I said to the Guv ‘let's wring this thing out’ I said, ‘let's see how it goes.’ We went up the road and on through Tecumseh—that's the place I told you about before where they nearly all speak French—and then we turned on to one of the super-highways where you put your foot on the gas pedal and forget all about it.” Miss Ku paused a moment, to see that her tale was having the right effect on me. Satisfied that I was paying sufficient attention, she continued, “We beetled along somewhat for a time and then I said, ‘Gee, Guv, press the jolly old gas pedal down, what?’ He speeded the contraption up a bit but I saw that we were only doing sixty, which was very legal. We went some more, maybe sixty five, then there was a clang and a shower of sparks (like Guy Fawkes Night) shot out beneath us and trailed astern. I looked at the Guv and then hastily looked away. The wheel was loose in his hand!” She paused again in order to build up the suspense and when she observed that I was fairly panting, she resumed.

“There we were, on the long long highway, doing sixty five and a lick more. We had no steering, the track rods had dropped off. Fortunately there was not much traffic. The Guv managed somehow to pull up the car and it slithered to a halt with one front wheel hanging over a ditch. The air was full of the smell of burning rubber because he had had to put on the brakes hard in order to keep us from turning over in the ditch. The Guv got out, turned the front wheels by hand, and then got back and used reverse gear to get us on the road again. Ma got out and walked to a place where they had a telephone and called the garage to come and pick up the pieces. Then we all sat in the car together while we waited for the breakdown truck to come for us.”

I marveled, Miss Ku showed no signs of strain, she was calm and collected. I could hardly wait for her to continue. “But Miss Ku,” I prompted her, “the steering had just been repaired—that is why the car was at the garage!” “Sure, Bud, sure,” replied Miss Ku, “all the steering things that had been replaced dropped off because the split pins or something had been forgotten. Well, as I was saying, a breakdown truck with a great crane on the back of it came miles to meet us. The man got out and made ‘tsk! tsk! and you are still alive?’ noises. We all manhandled the car so that the truck could get in front. I sat on the front seat and yelled over the noise telling everyone what to do. Oh! It was a real do, Feef” she exclaimed, “I haven't told you the half of it. Well, the three of us got in the front seat of the Monarch, and the crane lifted the front wheels clear of the ground. I thought how undignified we must look, then the truck started on the way home, with us swaying and jolting behind. We did miles, and I say to this day that the fast tow back damaged our automatic transmission.” She snorted dourly at me and said, “You are not an engineer, Feef, if you were you would know that it is very damaging to tow a car with automatic transmission. Too fast a tow can wreck everything, and this tow did. But there, I am not giving a technical lecture, it would be beyond you anyhow, Feef.”

“Miss Ku,” I asked, “what happened then?” “Happened Then? Oh, yes, we rattled over the railroad crossing at Tecumseh and soon were in front of the garage. The Guv was cross because he had paid to have all those parts replaced, but the garage man would not admit liability, saying it was ‘an act of God,’ whatever that means. He had us driven home in his own car, though, because I told him I could not carry the Guv all that way. So here we are!” I could hear the rattle of dishes, and thought it was time to see about some food for us, I had not been able to eat while waiting and worrying. First I had one question; “Miss Ku, were you not frightened?” I asked. “Frightened? FRIGHTENED? Glory Be and Ten Tomcats, no. I knew that if anyone could get us out of the mess the Guv could, and I was there to advise him. Ma kept very calm, we did not have any trouble with her. I thought perhaps she might panic and scratch, but she took it all as a matter of course. Now for the eats!” We rose from our seats beneath the bed and wandered out into the kitchen where supper was ready.

“Old Man's holding forth,” said Miss Ku, “wonder what's biting him now?” We hurried up with our supper so that we could go in and listen without losing too much food or knowledge. “Get a move on, Feef” urged Miss Ku, “we can wash while we listen.” We moved into the living room and sat down to wash after our supper and pick up all the news. “I'm tired of that car!” grumbled the Guv, “we should change it for something better.” Ma made noises, clearing her throat and all that, which indicated she was dubious. “Hark at Ma!” whispered Miss Ku, “she is counting out the shekels!” “Why not wait?” asked Ma, “we are still waiting for those royalties, they should be here any day now.” “WAIT?” asked the Guv, “if we change cars now we still have something with which to do an exchange. If we wait until we can afford it, the old Monarch will have fallen to pieces and be worthless. No! If we wait until we can AFFORD to do it, we shall never do it.” “Monkeyrouse has been terrible,” said Buttercup, changing the subject, “I don't know what we can do with him.” Miss Ku told her, and it was fortunate that Buttercup did not understand the Cat language. The Guv did, and applauded, giving Buttercup a polite and highly censored translation!

That night as I lay down to sleep I thought how dangerous these cars were. Pay a lot to have them serviced, and then bits dropped off and made more costs. It seemed fantastic to me that people wanted to go careering round the countryside in a tin box on wheels. Dangerous in the extreme I called it, much preferring to stay at home and never move out again. I had done too much travelling, I thought, and where had it got me? Then I awakened with a jolt; it had got me to Ireland and if I had not moved to that country I should not have been able to meet the Guv, Ma, Buttercup, and Miss Ku. Now fully awake, I sauntered out into the kitchen to get a light meal in order to while away some of the night hours. There I met Miss Ku who had been unable to sleep for thinking over the dangerous hours of the day. Monkeyrouse chattered irritably and—as always with Monkeyrouse—I heard water splashing. Miss Ku nudged my elbow and muttered, “Bet the Detroit River has been much deeper since that thing came to live with us. Buttercup must have gone off her head to want such a creature!” “Hate! Hate” screamed Monkeyrouse into the night air. “Goodnight, Feef,” said Miss Ku. “Goodnight, Miss Ku,” I replied.

The next morning the Guv went up to the garage to see what could be done about the car. He was away most of the morning and when he came back he was driving the Monarch. The Guv always has a Family Conference when there is anything important to be decided. That is an Eastern trait to which we cats subscribe; Miss Ku and I always discussed things before one of us did anything important. At the Family Conference the Guv and I sat together, and Ma and Miss Ku sat together. Buttercup sat alone because Monkeyrouse had no intellect and merely shrieked “Hate! HATE! Wanna leave! Dint wanta come!” “First,” said the Guv, “we shall have to move out of this house. I understand from the garage people that the other side of the road is going to be used as a city garbage dump, they are going to fill in the ditch with refuse. That will bring hordes of flies in the summer. Then this road is almost impassable in the summer because of the American trippers. So—we are going to leave.” He stopped and looked round. No one moved, no one said a word. “Next,” he continued, “the steering has been put in order on this car, but it will soon want a lot of money spent on it. I consider that we should go to Windsor and trade in this car for another. The third thing is, what are we going to do about Monkeyrouse? He is becoming worse, and as the Vet says, he will need more and more attention. Shall we let that man have him? He knows all about monkeys.” For quite a time we sat and discussed things. Cars, houses, and monkeys. Miss Ku made notes of everything, she had a very good head for business and could always deal with other peoples.

“I think we should go into Windsor this morning,” said Ma, “if you have it on your mind it is just as well to get it over. I want to look at a house as well.” “Golly!” muttered Miss Ku, “action at last! They sure are hot stuff this morning.” “Well, Sheelagh, what about Monkeyrouse?” asked the Guv to Buttercup. “We had him to see if he could be cured,” she replied, “and as he obviously is getting no better, and is missing the other animals, I think he should go back.” “Right,” answered the Guv, “we will see what can be done. We are going to have a full week.” Miss Ku interrupted to say how foolish it was, living out in the wilds away from Windsor. “I want to see the shops, to see LIFE!” she said. “We will find a place right in Windsor this time,” said the Guv. Ma got up, “We shan't find anywhere if we just sit here,” she said, “I will go and get ready.” Off she hurried, and the Guv went out to say rude things to the Monarch which had let us down.

Before Ma could get ready and go out to the car, the Guv returned. “That man up the road,” he said, “he was passing by and saw me in the garage. He stopped to tell me that some Pressmen have been snooping around the place, trying to find out just where we live.” The Family have been plagued by the Press, people came from many different parts of the world, all demanding an ‘exclusive scoop.’ We also got letters from all over the world and although not one in a thousand enclosed return postage the Guv replied to them all. He is becoming wiser, though, and no longer replies to ALL the letters. Miss Ku and I had to speak very strongly to him before he would use stern discrimination. That is one thing about him, he can be persuaded if one can show him the sense of a thing. Miss Ku and I often have to dig out facts in order to convince him, common sense is much more reliable than emotion.

The Guv called up the stairs to Buttercup, “Sheelagh! There are a crowd of Press dopes about. I suggest you don't answer the door, and make sure it is locked!” He and Ma went out, leaving Miss Ku and me to protect Buttercup from the Press. I heard the car start up, and the sounds as the Guv reversed it and turned. “Well, Old Woman Cat,” said Miss Ku jovially, “I shall soon be driving in another and better car. YOU should try more motoring, Feef, it would broaden your outlook.” “Mind yourselves, you cats,” said Buttercup, coming down the stairs, “I want to do this floor.” Miss Ku and I wandered off and sat on the Guv's bed. Miss Ku looked out of the window and told me of the scene. “The ice is breaking up on the Lake, Feef,” she told me with glee. “I can see great chunks swirling away where the current is strong. That means the weather will soon be warmer. We might even be able to go in a boat, you'd like that, all the drink around you, you would never be thirsty.”

We Siamese Cats are very gregarious, we MUST have LOVED people around us. Time dragged and almost stopped while we sat and waited. Buttercup was busy in the kitchen and we did not want to disturb her. Monkeyrouse was chanting away to himself “wantago wantago wantago. Hate all! Hate all!” I thought how tragic it was, here he had the best of homes and yet he was not satisfied! The French Carriage Clock struck eleven. I yawned and decided to have a nap in order to pass the time. Miss Ku was already asleep, her breath a gentle sound in the silence of the room.