Comments
The essay is well-organized, with a clear introducion
which introduces the
topic:
The cloning of
animals
has been occurring for a number of
years now, and this has now opened up the possibility of
cloning humans too.
And it has a thesis statement that makes it clear exactly how the human
cloning essay will be structured and what the candidate's opinion is:
Although there are clear benefits
to humankind of cloning to
provide spare body parts, I believe it raises a number of
worrying ethical issues.
The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of cloning humans, and
then the second body paragraph looks at the problems associated with this.
The change of direction to look at the other side is clearly marked with a
transition word ("however") and a topic sentence:
However,
for good reasons, many people view this as a
worrying development.
Other transition words are used effectively to guide the reader through the
ideas in the human cloning essay:
Firstly,.. Also,... Furthermore,...
The candidate demonstrates that they can use a mix of complex structures.
For example:
Due to
breakthroughs in medical science and improved diets,
people are living much longer than in the past.
It would involve creating another
human and then eventually
killing it in order to use its organs,
which it could be argued is
murder.
...
if
we have the ability to clone humans, it has to be
questioned where this cloning will end.